muscular health

disclaimer : i talk about vaginismus/vulvodynia here (in layman's terms, vaginal and labial pain). this may make some uncomfortable, i respect that, and so this page may not be the best for you.
i am not particularly embarassed of it and would rather people know that it is not abnormal or weird or gross or anything to be ashamed of, and there are others WHO DO SUFFER. if you have it, too, i am here with you and want you to feel understood as i have wished i could have been.

conditions : pelvic floor dysfunction, anterior pelvic tilt, lateral pelvic tilt, basically a rotated pelvis, sciatica

prescription/treatment : dilator therapy, stretches, exercise band, self-adjustment, knee squeezes, glute squeezes, diaphragmatic breathing

exercise routine :

addendum : i cannot do anything that stretches my aductors, and i cannot cross my legs or seperate my knees on a vertical plane (inclines, kicking, cycling, lunging) in order to aid my pelvis in its stabilization.

.·.·.·.· warm-up : jog in place maybe about 5 minutes
.·.·.·.· stretch : downward facing dog, cat/cow, child's pose, half pigeon (both sides), frog pose, butterfly, half lord of the fishes pose, figure 4 pose, camel pose, reclining hero pose, happy baby pose,pelvic tilts, knee to opposite shoulder, bridge, lunges
.·.·.·.· strength : glute bridges (w/ resistance band) 20x, clamshells (w/ rb) 20x each side, plank 20sec 3x, 25 knee pushups, 5 full pushups, side steps (w/ resistance band) 20x each side
frequency : dilator (1x a day), stretches & exercise (3x a week)

progress : need to work on flexibility and stretching, then almost ready for strength.

log :
december 7 2021
i am looking for exercises i can do that will help my pelvic tilts without overdoing it and injuring myself (like i did a long time ago and sparked chronic pain...). let's see what i can find. so far i think sticking with my stretches and doing glute bridges and just simply making sure my glutes are strong will help my posture. i am going to emphasize stretching and stretch deeply and often to avoid injury.

december 9 2021
i found a few exercises. i will list them in this long, and then update in the "exercises" portion of this page. so first of all, to aid my pelvis, i have a few muscles i need to strengthen *and* relax (strengthening without stretching or learning to relax these muscles will just harm me more..) some yoga poses are : pelvic tilt, pigeon pose, standing forward bend, downward facing dog, butterfly, child's pose, frog pose, lunges, half lord of the fishes, happy baby, camel pose, bridge, reclining hero pose. the muscles i need to improve are my glutes & leg muscles to support my lower back, and my ab muscles to further that support. glute and leg muscles : stretch glutes, stretch glutes 2, glute strength. abs : planks, push ups.

. this is the research i did today, and i have organized it into a list up in my more information based stuff on this page.

may 6 2022
i have had a resurgence of hip pain. i start physical therapy in june. i am keeping my muscles active by biking these days.

june 14 2022
my physical therapy has been helping a lot. i have way less knee pain now. i have been recovering fairly quickly. i am happy for that... considerinf my physical therapy is FUCKING expensive. i have also been working on upperbody strength, glute activation, walking, and now my therapist wants me focusing on core strength.

june 17 2022
so, today i went to the gym. i walked briskly on the treadmill (roughly 3.5mph) for 20 minutes. i cannot run, really, because tbh it would stress my heart out as well as mess with my pelvic situation. after that (which was pretty adequate cardio as i am unfit) i lifted weights. my bench press max was 90, my PR is 100 so i am going to try to work up to that. until i am cleared for more heavy and complicated lower back and glute exercises, i am going to work on core and upper body strength. so for now, my goal is to get my heart more fit through cardio, manage my sugars, and get stronger and more fit in general. once i am healed, i am going to focus on lower body strength. here is a vision board to help me be motivated and keep a healthy mindset towards going to the gym and working out.

june 22 2022
my physical therapist cleared me for lower body training and weight lifting. i have to start with low weights (so no finding out my max) and i have to be mindful of my reps and such, and cannot do deep squats or lunges. i can do squats with only the bar, hamstring curls, leg presses, and hip abduction/adduction. i use machines mainly, and i am simply working up glute and knee strength. i hope one day i can do lunges, deep squats, and so much more, but for now i need to allow my body the rest it needs to heal. at home, i do squats, knee squeezes, clamshells, and butt squeezes, as well as diaphragmatic breathing. i need to do way more butt squeezes as glute bridges still injure me and leave me with nerve pain all day.

metabolic health

conditions : type 2 diabetes/pcos, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, low vitamin d, elevated liver enzymes, thyroid troubles, hyperlipidemia, elevated heart rate

prescription/treatment : regular exercise, lower carb diet + proteins, fats, fibers w/ every meal, vitamin d supplements, fish oil supplements, relaxation, magnesium (epsom salt baths)

frequency : exercise (daily is preferred, but at least 5x/week), vit d (3000 IU 1x daily, with meal), fish oil (2 tablets 1x daily, with meal), epsom salt bath (1x a week)

goals : 5.5 a1c, 32 vit d, 100 bpm, normal bp, normal cholesterol, normal thyroid, normal liver. 2hrs after meals i ideally would like my blood glucose below 140, and my fasting blood glucose less than 110 (ideally below 100, though)

progress : not doing well, working on diet, exercise, and healthy sleep. finances and chronic fatigue impede me. (idk the date, sometime in nov or early dec)
12.29.2021, sleeo schedule is now ideal, fatigue is getting better. taking my vitamins, eating healthier meals, and moving more. diet & exercise are not ideal, but are steadily improving.

5.6.2022, i had my appointment and my a1c was only .1% worse than last time. my kidneys were doing great. i am starting meds to help my blood sugar as well as meal planning.

6.14.2022, i am now taking metformin and birth control. both should aid my pcos and other metabolic issues. my blood sugar hasn't been doing great at the moment despite the medication, so i will most likely have to increase my metformin dosage. i have also increased exercise (i got a smart watch and a gym membership as well as working on my chronic pain to increase exercise), and so i should be doing better. admittedly i have been eating a lot of pasta... but i love it lol. so i am just working double hard to keep those sugars balanced. days until next appointment :

mental health

conditions : anxiety (GAD, social phobia, contamination anxiety, seperation anxiety, illness anxiety), obsessive-compulsive tendencies (i do not think i have the disorder, but i do have some obsessions coupled with a compulsion), atypical major depressive disorder (with rejection sensitive dysphoria), disordered eating and/or undiagnosed eating disorder, body dysmorphia, neurodivergence (i am a gifted adult, giftedness is a neurodivergence from what i have researched about it + my own experiences, getting tested for autism soon)

prescription/treatment : hydroxyzine 50mg (prescribed by psychiatrist), chamomile tea, relaxation

frequency : hydroxyzine 50mg 3x a day prn, chamomile tea prn

progress : pms has made me have a setback as i am far more irritable and quick to upset than usual. otherwise, i have improvement in my depression and regression in my anxiety.

log :
december 8 2021
mental health hasn't been awesome tonight. pms is kicking my absolute ass. trying to get through it and be healthy and mature. i need to be drinking more of my tea, but my days just keep getting shorter and faster. it scares me. i am really scared of growing up. i don't feel like i was ready to be an adult and suddenly im here and it is almost 2 years since the pandemic started. my whole life changed in 2021 and i am dealing with all of the shock of it. im just stressed. so much on my plate and not enough spoons to do anything about it.

december 9 2021
today was a good day. i watched the first few episodes of a reboot of a show i liked, it was disappointing at first but it seems like it will get better... i spent a lot of time with my husband today and it was nice. i did skincare and it made me feel really good, too. my mom wants me to go ornament shopping with her soon and i am really excited for that, too. in general today was good. my supplements have been helping me feel better and i have been needing my anxiety meds less. my sleep schedule is a wreck though. trying but sometimes i get anxiety at night and really need to distract myself... anxiety my meds can't always help. just trying to slowly change.......... my goal by next week is to sleep by 12am. i have adjust my sleep schedule by about 3-4 hours... i hope i can do it! melatonin and my anxiety med (doubles as a sleep med) will hopefully help!!!

december 10 2021
i decided to make a vision board today to moreso encapsulate the person that i would like to be, and will strive to be. it isn't comprehensive, but it is a start. mental health was decent-ish today. was going well then disordered eating, illness anxiety, and body dysmorphia all reared their ugly little heads because i ate things that were "unsafe". thus dooming myself to worsen in my chronic illness IMMEDIATELY of course /s. that was super stressful. i had really awesome good things happen today, too, but they were slightly stressful just because i had issues processing them in a beneficial way. my husband and i had brief issues but we are devoted to each other so we are going to work really hard on them. tomorrow he will be calling my therapist asking about paying and asking if i am still scheduled, because i accidentally missed a day of therapy (it is online so it is easy to forget). he does my calls for me because my social anxiety causes me to severely stumble my words, and even if i am certain of how to interact with someone over the phone, it brings me immense stress that my little riddle brain just cannot handle. i am very thankful that he does that for me. some little random things are hard for me so it is immensely helpful when he can help in those areas, so i can focus on what matters and what i am able and comfortable to do. i spent time with my mother today and she bought me ornaments, i am thankful for that. i now am going to have a mushroom themed christmas tree. despite my possibly eventual conversion to judaism, christmas is a nostalgic thing for me, and is probably more cultural than religious to me, so i see no problem in celebrating it, especially if family celebrates it as well. secular, familial, and cultural... that is how i will think of it if or when i convert. which reminds me, i might be eventually going to synagogue after awhile... there i will study torah (i have a tanakh at home i should be studying...) and there i will be able to initiate the conversion process and congregate with the local jewish community. you may be wondering why judaism is important to me... it is my heritage that sadly was not spoken of much or passed on... it is possible it was due to oppression of jews in america. but my heritage, no matter how secret it was to my immigrated relatives... it is heavily important to me and i feel a deep connection to my ethnic and religious heritage. just know i am learning about it every day, and that i have my own opinions and i would rather not be pressed about them while i am studying. this is special to me in a very, very tender way.

december 11 2021
i feel oh so crummy. i ate a little more at a meal than comfortable so my stomach isn't great, and it was a sandwich that included mayo & cheese so i feel absolutely terrible because those foods trigger my sensory issues. so... i feel disgusting and nauseous and gross.... on top of that, just plain ol dysmorphia and pms giving me some good ol depression. very irritable and mood swingy today, with some suicidal ideation tied in. but hey... i decorated my xmas tree... and i still have like.. 6 hours til bedtime. things may get better. i am going to see about chewing gum and drinking tea for the sensory stuff.

december 16 2021
not good. not satisfied with life, myself, or my health. panic when i eat food. not great. still no exercise.... better at cleaning though

march 4 2022
i have been doing amazing. my psychiatrist doesn't even think i need to see him anymore. despite this, i have had a hard week. i am also processing trauma with my therapist and it gives me weird symptoms. it is expected though. i am going to read "the body keeps the score". i have a job and a business. i have been working hard.

may 6 2022
i am the happiest i have been for a very, very long time. everything is falling into place for me. i am getting better.

june 14 2022
birth control is testing my patience. i am wating the first couple of months out hoping my body will get used to it (it is already a low-dose estrogen and i NEED birth control) but my mental illnesses are all worse. like, literally all of them. wtf.
june 14 addendum - omg i'm sooo happy cus ahhh, i figured out i can jus pretty much decorate this entire page w emojis lol, i worked hard finding some and ahh they're so cute!!

july 16
i have had many breakdowns, it's awful. sm anxiety, depression, paranoia... a lot. lots of personal stuff happening. on a new antidepressent called "mirtazapine"/"Remeron". waiting for it 2 work

food diary

guidelines : reduce/balance carb intake (diabetes), eat more fiber (everything), lower sodium (high bp), more protein (diabetes), more fish (vit D + cholesterol)

fears to break : work on fear of contamination, work on fear of sweets/carbs/sugar, work on fear of calories

favorite meals : baked/roasted chicken, potatoes, homemade ramen/stirfry, sushi, salmon, my husband's spaghetti

progress : i am doing absolutely terribly and unhealthily in this department, mentally and physically. i am not eating enough throughout the day and i have been so fatigued/stressed about food i opt for convenience. beating myself up over eating unhealthily for my conditions only makes things worse, so self love and self care are in order.
1.3.2022 - i have been eating much better. before the new year, i began eating a lot of proteins and veggies, aiming for majority of those two food groups. i also incorporated a decent amount of fats, and my meals were satisfying and gave me plenty of energy. however, sadly on the 1st, i fell ill with a virus. unsure of what it is at this present moment. but my only change is i am upping my carb limit to allow for more soups, breads, and fruits. eating a lot of fruits has made me feel well and i am confident with my eating choices. i plan to get back on track after this illness but with one change : i plan to incorporate more fruits, particularly berries. and oranges! i love oranges and they make me feel so good :)

6.14.2022 - my sensory issues have been making things super duper difficult, so i hate foods i used to like or they're... on the fence. i keep trying new things and keeping ideas going for making foods more sensory friendly so i can handle it. i know right now, i love strawberries and i love my rice cakes (the crunchy, airy kind). i love all pasta noodles, but many sauces can be overwhelming or triggering for my sensory issues, so i am just taking my time with that. i also am having issues with meat, sadly. but jerkies of all types are still edible, i like eggs, and can... handle some forms of chicken better than others.

recipes : baked honey-soy-miso salmon brown rice bowl


i am no longer monitoring weekly. instead, i will be monitoring everyday, but will not be charting it. i will leave some notes though.

6.14.2022 - been between 140 and 190, i am starting my 3rd week of metformin. my end goal is around 80-90, but the major goal is to be around 100-120 and decrease insulin resistance symptoms.

i pretty much only have a certain number of objectives everyday that i aim to complete.
they are as follows...

  • work on my business
  • do a chore
  • go to work
  • work out
  • extra activity - read a book/manga, watch a TV show, study my languages

i also have a few routines i do follow in my life.
first is my skincare...

  1. oil cleanse with castor oil once in the morning
  2. moisturize after cleansing, and then moisturize at night
  3. spot treat with a clay mask overnight

you can move this

i feel so proud of your progress that i almost ache inside.
because i know how you suffer
how you've suffered
how far you've come
i know how you fight and i'm so proud